Knowing what he doesn't

Isn't it so weird to know something so well, that your father is absolutely oblivious to?

Like, for example, the fact that she wants and is eventually planning a divorce. Going to get a job to save money for it. Thinking about apartments.

It makes me feel miles away from him. Like I'm acting. Like I don't wanna talk to him, believe he's okay. Its sad. I listen to what he says, but not wholeheartedly.

Maybe she has poisoned me from him? I mean, he is far from a good father, but I can't get close to him. I feel like it wouldn't be... Right. Knowing the things I know. How he treated mom. What mom is going to do now or in three years. Most of all, knowing he is a selfish father.

And knowing if it comes down to it, I'm going with mom.

I'm feeling so confused right now..

-Bean