So Confused

My OCD has been pretty bad lately. I've been feeling real guilty for watching/playing games with violence. I can't write stories still without being anxious it's not good enough, or that I didn't include enough information, planning, characters aren't good enough, etc.

I was actually extremely bad two days ago (day after the beach). In fact, I was really upset, feeling awfully guilty and just over all really terrible. Like it was last summer again, almost. But it's always my hormones, funnily enough, that make me feel so bad. There's a method to it's madness..

I don't know, I'm just tired of this. I really like video games, but I worry that they're too violent and I'm desensitizing myself, or I'm too addicted. I guess I'm just worried I'll make video games my whole world, like I did with anime. It's okay to keep it as a hobby for me, but that's it.

I mean, I do things outside of the computer. I hang out with friends, I go out with my mom a lot. I'm not on the computer for too long. I just really like watching gamers playing video games. And I love the creativity and story between games, too.

But some games are not healthy for me to watch at all. My mother told me either watch them and not feel guilty/disgusted or just avoid them and steer clear of games like that. In fact, she's worried over me watching/playing any video games at all now.

I'm better today, and I was yesterday, but it just makes me worry. What if I'm not completely healed? Maybe I'm still depressed? Are video games really that bad, or are they healthy, as long as they aren't too violent?

So confused.

-Bean