Embarassingly Jealous

Whenever I crush hard on someone, I get jealous real easy. I'm not lying or dramatizing that in the slightest.

They're talking to another girl friendly, a girl they're close to? I get extremely jealous.

I don't get angry at the girl- I get upset that they're not talking to me, that they're closer to them.

He likes other girls photos on Instagram, but not mine? I get jealous.

It's the weirdest thing. I wish I could not be so jealous, but I can't help it. Well, maybe I can, but I don't know how.

So right now, I'm just venting.

And I know this isn't rational. He's not mine- he can talk to whoever he wants to, whenever. But it still makes me upset that he's not talking to me.

I guess, deep down, this is just my insecurity speaking? Maybe I don't think I'm good enough for him, not worthy of his attention like the other girls?

When I see him talking to other girls I shut down- don't speak to him. I feel like I shouldn't butt in or I'll look desperate/thirsty (lol).

I mean I've never been cheated on before.. So I have no excuse, really.

And I never tell them I'm jealous- I mean, that'd make me look weird (like how I am). I kinda just give them the silent treatment, or back off a bit.

Its almost like I feel like I'm doing them a favor, because I'm not as worthy as the other girl is.

And, by writing this all down, it's obvious; it's my insecurity.