It's 2:00 A.M. In the Morning

It's 2:00 A.M. in the morning, and I always feel most.. I don't know, enthusiastic about writing, whether creative or not. And I always get the urge to do more with my life. So even though I should well be in bed, here's what I'm going to write. Sorry if it's a bit disorganized.

I'm sure I'm going to do something in writing when I'm older... But I never actually write a lot, because I hate when it comes out bad. It's like I almost dread it. I really need to change this, because even if I do write bad, I can check it later and make it better; even though I hate doing that, too. I'm gifted in writing (not to sound stuck-up), it's just a talent of mine. And I need to work on it, improve upon that craft. Even if I am lazy or unwilling. It's a waste of a talent basically.

Secondly, I just got my first voice lesson ever. So I need to practice those exercises, look them up on youtube, and keep at it, even if I'm lazy/busy. At least do half of them!!

Also, I want to get a part time job where my brother works. I'll work as a cashier. I'll have to get working papers, which may be a pain, but over all, it'll be great. I'll meet people outside of this (*cough* crappy) town, make more friends, and yeah. Be happier, basically. However, there is some drama revolving around my brother in that store. Keep away with it and be neutral. Maybe use the money I make on clothing/stuff I want, and save some of it for college?

And, of course, hang out with people more, even if they're not worthy of being a best friend. It's all about ME having fun, regardless of whether that person should have me as a friend or not.

I guess, I just don't know what I'm gonna do in my life. I'm assuming writing, but really, I don't know. I just don't wanna mess up when I'm older. Ideally, I'll live in an apartment with my mom (hopefully our cat too, lol), it's hard to explain why, but I'm hoping that this will happen. Put effort, a lot of it, into college. Meet the right guy who treats me well, marry him, have a child or two.

I want to be succesful. But yet my anxiety gets in the way- I'm always second guessing what I can do, and assume that my OCD will get in the way of it. I need to change that way of thinking. I gotta get a grip on this OCD, once again find my balls (well, figuratively), and tell it to basically "f off,". Also, I have to stop making relationships so important, maybe not even consider having one. And of course, help my momma clean the house.

There's a lot I'm gonna have to do this summer. My main priority, though, is have fun and strengthen my skills.

-Bean