A Book's Cover: Inside the Pages

When you lay your eyes upon someone for the first time, we do something without even thinking- we judge them. Don't say you never have, because everyone does; it's instinct. We size up the other, looking at how they act, how loud they are, their facial features and body. And then, after that, we decide whether they are a worthy person or not. Are they worthy of living in this world? Are they competition, or are they way below our level? I've noticed that, regardless if they're better than you, more confident than you, far more beautiful, it's all about maintaining your ego. If you see someone far less attractive than you are, you take pride in the fact that you're more easy on the eyes. If they're louder or more obnoxious than you are, then you immediately think they're annoying- even though there's just a possibility that, for once, they're allowing their words to be heard.


However, if someone is far better than you in looks or the way they act, you immediately feel bad about yourself. Either you think, "I hate her, let me point out the flaws she has (and not her good aspects", or "Gosh she's perfect. I wish I could even be compared to her!" Our confidence get knocked down a bit, and the more you see people of a higher stance than you are, the worse it gets- especially if someone points it out to you. This is a little something called Insecurity. Most of us have insecurities, and some of us either hide them or talk about them to be reassured that they're not something to be self conscious about.

{This, right here, is absolute arrogance. People who are
Confident don't compare themselves to others, whatsoever.}

People with true confidence will judge, but it will not affect how they think of themselves (and if it does, it's good). If they have feigned confidence, often being arrogant, they will knock down others to feel better about themselves. They often need reassurance that they're good people, attractive, or that whatever factors they care about they live up to. So, basically, that person is essentially not confident in the least, and is trying to cover it up with a facade. If someone is really confident, they will admit that they are a good person and not be embarrassed saying it, and also will not keep on going back to the fact that they are. However, if it is all an act, they will bring it up constantly, trying to fool themselves and others into thinking they actually are proud of who they are.




But, unfortunately, none of us can see off the bat that a person is insecure. We immediately assume that they are comfortable with who they are, meanwhile most aren't- at ALL. 

      So, since we can't not judge, how can we                        judge with an open mind? 

1. Don't make assumptions. Take in the other's actions and aesthetics, but also keep in mind that they may have gone through some hard times. For example, if someone walks in with crazy, messy hair, don't immediately assume they're crazy- maybe they just had a really rough morning.

2. Don't expect the best from others. Assume that, like everyone else, they have ups and downs; flaws and good qualities too. Definitely don't expect the least, either- don't make yourself believe that someone may terrible. That is, unless they do things like eat kittens. Then go ahead and expect the least. Basically, if you have no reason to expect the least, why do so? You're doing that because you've been hurt by others, and you are closing off from society because you expect everyone else to be disappointments as well.
Everyone's different, so give everyone a chance.
It's better to trust and get hurt than to not trust and
Lose a possible friendship/relationship with another person!

3. Lend a hand. Help others out when they need it, even if you won't be recognized for your good duty. Helping others also aids in building self confidence, since you see how your actions can influence and build another person and their life. You will make strong bonds with others this way, by being their shoulder to lean upon. However, if someone depends on you for advice all the time but doesn't return it, I suggest toning down on helping them. You should be getting something back from them, not just you giving to receive nothing. Friendship is a two way street- you both have to make an effort. If the other is not willing, they may not be worthy of your care.

4. Give everyone a chance. Even if it's someone who is completely sour, try being nice to anyone you can. Although they may not reflect it on the outside, they may need your kindness more than you would ever know. Some people have never been given a chance, and may be forever in your debt for you giving them your time of the day.

{I did not make this, but feel free to use these
Towards other people! You will make their day
A whole lot brighter, whether they tell you or not.}

5. Compliment others often. People feel really good about themselves if others say something encouraging to them. Ever wonder why your girlfriend asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?". She's waiting for you to say, "No, honey, you look smokin' hot." Well, maybe not smoking hot, but at least say she looks pretty. However, also include that she looks beautiful, and she needs to accept that she looks like what she looks like, and to never be insecure about it. You don't even have compliment others, either; any words of encouragement works. For example, if someone is working hard at something but is about to give up, say something along the lines of, "You're doing a great job, don't give up just yet! The outcome is worth it in the end, and you can do it!" People often look for other's advice, and by giving some to others, they will try to or will believe what you say.




6.  Don't hurt others to make yourself look or feel better. This should be obvious already, but NEVER do this- even if they really are a "bad person", you're then dropping down to their level by reflecting their actions. If you have thoughts about another person, at the very least don't vocalize them. I'd suggest thinking, "I shouldn't judge that person, I don't know them. I have no idea what they've gone through or what they're like,"





As one could see, being non-judgmental reaps a lot of benefits and rewards. You make a lot of stronger bonds with others, you feel better about yourself, and you could even begin to build confidence yourself! By being nicer and less critical towards others, you will make their days better and make your own better, too.



Here is a list of some nice things you can do for other people:
http://loveistheword.org/101-random-acts-of-kindness/


Also, here are a few articles on building confidence:
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
http://zenhabits.net/25-killer-actions-to-boost-your-self-confidence/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem

Have an awesome day!

-Bean